


Here is The Church and Here is the Steeple

by caity_ski



Category: FriendSim - Fandom, Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caity_ski/pseuds/caity_ski
Summary: We sure are cute for two ugly people/I don't see what anyone can see/in anyone else/but youWhere in Mallek and Reader discover more about the other's romantic culture
Relationships: Mallek Adalov/MSPA Reader, Mallek Adalov/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 170





	Here is The Church and Here is the Steeple

You watch him from the other room where you’re perched on his kitchen counter, legs dangling over the edge. You’ve been working on unpeeling the fruit in your hands for ages now. He’d offered to do it for you, reminding you his claws were going to make quick work of what your shorter nails couldn’t. You’d refused on the grounds that you had to earn it yourself. “What do you mean there’s nothing after matesprit?” You asked, your fingers digging into the rind of the fruit.

“How can there be anything after it?” Mallek shoots back, his brow raising. His feet were propped up on the cluttered coffee table in his living room. Tech was littered about on the ground in ‘piles’ that he swore meant something. Behind him the large floor to ceiling window let in the lights of the city. On nice nights you like to open it and sit here with him listening to the sounds of the city. Occasionally you can make out whole conversations of strangers. It makes you feel a semblance of your life back on Earth, or at least what you can remember of it.

You grin when you finally break the skin of your fruit and peel it away to reveal the contents. There were very few foods that were like what you had on Earth, but this was one of your favorites. The flavor was like an orange with hints of lemon, the fleshy fruit itself was like a large sized pomegranate seed without the seed in the middle. Its color wasn’t much to look at, a translucent green that reminded you more of snot than food. 

You pull a piece out and pop it in your mouth, considering Mallek’s question. “I guess…I don’t know relationships have like a lot of stages and tiers on Earth.” You answer with a shrug. 

Mallek snorts. “Like we != go through _a lot of stages_ ;” He teases, mimicking your tone. 

“No, it’s different.” You protest.

“How?” Mallek challenges. “Share;” He adds, opening his hand and beckoning for you to come to him.

“Come get it yourself.” You mutter. If you weren’t sitting in shorts on linoleum you might have been more willing to get up. But as it is now, standing would mean having to endure sticking to the counter’s surface. 

Mallek pouts but doesn’t budge. You pop another few pieces of fruit in your mouth as you take a couple seconds to mull over how to answer his question. 

“Well?” Mallek prompts, his head laying back against the couch as he watches you, a lazy smile on his face. You always thought his smile was nice. You wished he’d feel comfortable enough to use it more. 

“Well…there’s talking to people…like you’re getting to know a bunch of different people and then when someone catches your eye you start…you know… _talking_ to them.” You never thought you’d have to explain to someone the courtship you’ve been raised with. You would have also thought you’d be better at it. But your words come across as confused and uncertain.

Mallek seems to notice as he snorts and adjusts so he’s turned towards you fully. “Talking; huh?” 

You puff out your cheeks and set the fruit down beside you. “Yeah.” you assert “ _Talking to someone_ is way different than talking to someone.” 

Mallek snorts again, “Ok; ok;” he says putting his hands up in mock surrender. “Go on; what happens after _talking to someone_?”

“Well then there’s dating, hanging out, getting to know them. And you might be doing this with a few people to kind of, you know, really feel out who you really vibe with.”

“Vibe with…” Mallek mutters shaking his head. “You’ve been spending too much time with that Cirava kid;” He teases.

“Mallek…if you want me to explain this then stop interrupting.”

Mallek’s eyes light up and you watch as his forked tongue peaks out just enough to wet to his lips. “Make me;” He challenges, voice low in his throat. 

You let out a groan and roll your eyes. You pick up the half-finished fruit beside you and toss it to him. Mallek grins widely and settles back against the couch. He picks a piece out with a claw and nods to you to continue, content with his prize.

“Ok so after you’ve dated a few people and you find someone you really like, most people, make it an exclusive thing or at least a very committed one if they have multiple partners. But you spend more time with them and date for a while, maybe move in together. Some people are fine with that but a lot of people get engaged, then get married. So, what comes after dating as matesprits?” 

Mallek stares at you as he chews. “What the fuck = engaged and married?” He asks, mouth half full.

“Well it’s! ...it’s…huh.” You pause. You had felt fairly confident when you’d started but tapered off as Mallek watched you expectantly. You chew your cheek for a moment and glance around the room. 

Mallek’s lusus is sitting not too far on a large pillow beneath a heat lamp. “It’s…asking officially and then solidifying your relationship and commitment to each other.” You answer. “You make a vow in front of friend and family that you’ll love one another. You legally, and usually spiritually, bind your lives together.” Your voice trails off as your eyes are still on the snake who has started watching the two of you back.

An idea forms in your head and you grin. You push yourself from the counter, wincing as your sticks and pulls uncomfortably. “There are quite a few steps though.” You tell him, stretching your arms above your head and moving towards snake dad.

The white creature lifts its head at your approach, curiosity shining in its intelligent eyes. You grin at Mallek who, after finishing the snack you shared, was watching as you pad across the room towards his custodian. Mallek adjusts so he’s kneeling on the couch and pressing his chest into the back of it. He folds his arms over the back of the couch and rests his chin on them as he watches you. He’s grinning as you saunter up to the lusus. 

Mallek has seen you ‘act’ many times and can tell when you are about to try and pull off some sort of scene. You turn to him grinning, when you make eye contact you wink causing him to snort and give you a thumbs up. 

You snicker and bounce to stand beside the large lusus. “First, you have to ask their parent. It’s good to get their blessing before proposing.” 

Mallek cocks a brow as you crouch so you are eye level with his guardian. 

You clear your throat and straighten your back, squaring your shoulders as you hold your hand out. The white snake’s tongue flicks out before he rests his tail in your palm. You ‘shake’ with him and harden your look. 

“Thank you for meeting with me today, sir.” You start, releasing his tail. The lusus tucks his tail away and raises his head as you speak to him. “I am in love with your son. I want to do right by you and him, make an honest troll out of him. So, I’m here today to ask for your blessing so I can ask him to marry me.” 

You hear Mallek snort behind you as you keep eye contact with his lusus. The snake flicks his tongue out once before settling his head back against his coils. You grin and jump up. “Thank you, sir! I promise I’ll take good care of him!” You excitedly state as you make your way to the kitchen.

Mallek watches you as you search around the room.

“What = you looking for?” Mallek asks, his voice carrying through the open concept house. 

“Hush, work on your patience.” You shout back, your eyes lighting up as you spot a bread tie. You grab it off the counter and do your best to twist it into a ring shape that will fit his finger. You grin and tuck your hand behind your back as you approach him.

You stand in front of him, grinning as he looks up at you, eyebrow quirked and a smirk playing at his lips. You offer your hand and motion for him to grab it. 

“Stand please!” You command rather than ask. Mallek smirks and takes your hand, you pull back to help him stand but he doesn’t budge. He laughs as you stumble forward from the counter of his weight. You pout and huff at him. “C’mon Mallek! I’m trying to share my culture with you, just be nice.” 

He lets out a long, overly drawn out sigh. “Fiiiine;” He acquiesces and stands, pulling you toward him as your hand is still in his. His other arm warps around your waist, keeping you pressed against him. “Now what?” He teases, your face gets hot and you can’t help but laugh.

“Stop trying to take over, you don’t even know what’s happening!” You push away and take his left hand. 

Mallek is still grinning at you and shakes his head as you get down on one knee. You think about how silly this all is to an outsider, and how anyone from your planet would know by this pose what was about to happen.

“Mallek, you have been…one of the best things that has happened to me, ever. I was scared and alone and cull-bait and you saw something worth knowing anyway. You have brought laughter and joy into my life in a way I never thought possible.” You pause for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by your own emotions. Any human may think you’re just saying a standard, scripted proposal. But as the words come to you, you’re overtly aware of how true they are for you. “When I think of home, you’re what I see, you’re where I always want to be…I love you.” You stop again and pull the bread tie from behind your back. Mallek snorts as you hold it out to him.

“What the fuck = that?” He asks.

You ignore his question and press on, “Will you make me the happiest human on Alternia, and marry me?”

Mallek blinks and gives you one of the softest smiles you’ve ever seen on him. “Sure;” He mutters, quietly. You can see the blush spreading to his ears. You grin and twist the bread tie onto his finger. Before he can take his hand away you place a soft kiss on his knuckles. Mallek takes in a sharp breath and you smile up at him from your still kneeling position.

Mallek’s whole face is now blue and he’s looking away from you, one tooth poking out and pressing to his lip. You smile to yourself. Mallek likes to act tough but you know better. He gets weak in the knees at the smallest touch of affection and will completely fall apart if you act too sweetly to him. 

You stand, with Mallek’s help and he again warps an arm around your waist. He dips his head to place a chaste kiss on your lips. He doesn’t fully pull away and you watch as his intense blue eyes look over your face. There’s something on his mind that you can’t place. You know he’d deny anything if you asked. You know he’ll tell you when he needs to. 

Mallek holds his hand up and scrutinizes the bread tie. “So…what = this about?” He asks, his thumb rubbing small circles into your hip.

You smile and rest your head against his chest. “It’s a ring!” You state matter-of-factly. Mallek snorts and pinches your side. You jump and let out a squeak. 

Mallek laughs. “No shit; what does it mean though?” 

You let out a little hum and take his hand in yours. “It’s a ring.” You say again. “It symbolizes a commitment that has no beginning and no end. It’s the physical part of the promise.” You snicker as you run your finger over the plastic. “It’s also something you can show off or use to let others know you’re taken and not to mess with you.” 

“Does it matter where it goes?” He asks. 

You nod. “Left ring finger…I don’t really know why though.”

“Do they always look like this?” Mallek teases

You snicker and shake your head. “I mean, I hope not! Some are really flashy with a lot of stones or just big flashy ones. Some are just simple bands; it kind of depends on the person.”

“What kind of person = you? Bigger the stone the better; right?” 

You full on laugh at that. “Yep! God you know me so well, babe! The glitziest most, shiniest, biggest rock you can find! It’ll go so good with my hand-me-down clothes.”

Mallek rolls his eyes, a small smirk pulling at his lips. “So; we = done now? We’ve done all the steps?” 

You snort. “No! Not even close!”

Mallek groans. “What else = there to do?” He asks, sounding exasperated. 

You grin and pull away, keeping his hand in yours as you bring him along with you. You take him a few steps closer to the kitchen then stop and turn. “Next is the engagement party. Pretty standard. Every one drinks, and eats, and celebrates the couple.” You let out a little cheer. 

Mallek shakes his head but gives his own – much less enthusiastic – “Woo;”

“Great! Then the preparations start. You have to get the invitees, the decorations, the food, the cake, the bridal party, the venue, the date, the outfits, flowers, the family gifts, the jewelry, hair, make-” Mallek puts a hand over your mouth and shakes his head ‘no.’ You chuckle from behind his hand, and move it away – having to work against every instinct screaming at you to lick his palm. 

“Why would anyone want to do any of that?” Mallek asks, he sounds exhausted from even hearing about wedding preparation. 

You shrug. “Some of it’s fun, but we don’t have to worry about all that. That’s what we pay our wedding planner for. He is taking care of the details.” You give a flourish with your hand towards Mallek’s lusus, who appears to have fallen asleep again. 

Mallek gives you a skeptical look with a shrug. “I trust him;” 

You snicker and take Mallek’s arm in yours. “We get to do something a little fun, we have to pick out what we want as gifts!” You lead him with you into the kitchen. 

“Gifts?” He asks looking around the kitchen.

You nod. “There’s the bridal shower and at the wedding people give gifts to the couple for their new home and life together.” 

“We get a new home?”

You snort. “No, uh, for a long-time people would move in together after getting married and it was usually a new house. In more modern times people are already sharing a home, but it’s nice to get new things.”

“I = get us anything we want;” Mallek assures. 

You chuckle and shake your head. “But it’s fun to get gifts, and you get a cool scanning gun to put everything you want on an online list so people don’t buy you shitty gifts.” You hold your hand like a gun and look around the kitchen. 

Mallek chuckles as you point out things that could be ‘revamped’ or you may need more of, what you’ve already got enough of, etc. Mallek is a good sport and plays along, commenting on your choices and giving his own opinion on the things you pick up. After a while you agree your list of gifts is adequate.

“Is it time to get married now?” Mallek asks as you leave from the kitchen and re-enter the living room.

“Almost!” You reassure him. “Right before the wedding are the bachelor and bachelorette parties!”

Mallek groans. “More parties? How many = there?”

“Listen, just because trolls hate fun and social interactions doesn’t mean all species do.”

Mallek snorted. “You do though;” He retorted, poking your cheek.

You laugh and swat his hand away. “Only sometimes. These are the parties for the bride and groom to celebrate with their friends and they tend to get pretty wild. Lots of alcohol, sometimes strippers, you know, the whole shebang.”

“I != know the whole ‘shebang;’ This = the last thing before the marrying?” Mallek asks. “Why does this take so long?” 

You laugh and shrug. “I don’t know, but I mean it takes people years, er, sweeps, sometimes to go from engaged to married.” 

Mallek groaned again. “And all humans = this?” He asks, “This = exhausting.”

“Mal, you’re fine, we’re speed running it.” He snorts at your attempt to video game humor and lightly elbows your side. 

“Fine; what = next?” Mallek asks. 

You pause and hum looking around again, you see Mallek stretching form the corner of your eye, his shirt raises a little and shows the sliver of skin just above his pants. You feel your face heat up and feel an inner push to speed your little game along.

You walk over to snake dad who wakes up as you approach. He stares at you and his tongue flicks out towards you. You crouch again so you’re eye level with him. “Will you play with us?” You ask. The large lusus stretches out towards you. You hold your arm steady as he climbs up the length and around your shoulders. He’s a heavy snake and it takes you a second to stand back up fully with him draped over you. 

You walk over to the counter you had been sitting on earlier and lean forward so he can slither off. Mallek watches you with a bemused smirk. You motion him over to you and Mallek chuckles, but follows your lead. You both stand before the lusus who has extended his height so he is looking down on both you. You face Mallek and he takes your cue. His blue eyes pierce into you as you take his hands in yours. 

You clear your throat and look to Mallek’s custodian, you’re going to whip out your best cartoony priest voice for this.

“Dearly beloved,” You grin as Mallek snickers beside you; you press on, doing your best to remember the words spoken at the wedding you’ve been to. “We are gathered here today to unite this troll and this human in holy _matra-mony_.” Your voice had quickly slipped into a stereo-typical southern preacher accent. 

“He != sound like that!” Mallek protests.

You giggle, “Sorry, sorry, I’ll try something different.” You deepen your voice and try to sound smoother as you speak again. “We will bear witness to their commitment to each other. Should anyone protest this union, speak now or forever hold your peace!” You pause and dramatically look around as though expecting someone to object.

“What = happening? There = a part where others = say no?” Mallek’s grinning at the absurdity of it as you nod at him in response and ignore his eye roll. 

You wait another moment and cone satisfied that no one will interrupt your wedding you face Mallek again, and take his hands in yours. “There’s more things the priest says but I don’t remember them so we’re going to skip ahead to the vows…there’s supposed to be more rings here-"

“More rings? Why = there so many?

You huff at Mallek and continue, pretending he didn’t interrupt you. “There’s supposed to be more. Rings. Here. But I don’t have any so we’ll skip that part.” You take a deep breath and clear your throat in one obnoxious sound. Mallek snickers and you grin at him. 

“Ok…ok ok ok ok, serious time.” You announce taking control of your features and focusing back on your disgruntled matesprit. 

With his hands in yours you stare him in the eye. You don’t remember the exact words but you can feel yourself getting nervous thinking about what you’re about to say. 

“Usually,” You start quietly “The officiant has you repeat these word…or something similar to them…oof…ok.” You take another steadying breath, Mallek watches you with a raised brow, unaware of the sudden level of nervousness swirling in your stomach. 

“I-” You have to pause for a second to steady your voice, caught off guard by feeling so overwhelmed and almost tearful. You start again and state your name, “Take you, Mallek Adalov, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold from this day for-forev-forward. For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, to hold and to cherish til death do us part.” 

You can feel yourself shaking, you’ve maintained eye contact with Mallek, and he with you. You swallow hard. “And…and you say it too…if you want.” You mutter.

“Oh…sure; yeah…I != remember it all though;” He says with a sheepish smile, a little bit of blue seeping into his cheeks. 

You nod. “Ok…so just repeat after me, yeah?”

He makes a sound of affirmation and you do your best to repeat the lines for him. He says after you.

“I; Mallek Adalov; take you to be my lawfully wedded alien;” 

You give him a dirty look but he just grins, “I have to make it me a little bit;” He says with a wink.

You roll your eyes but have him continue.

“To have and to hold; for richer or poorer; for better or worse; in sickness and in health; to have and to hold and to cherish…til death do us part;” It’s Mallek whose gaze is holding yours and there’s an indescribable electricity in the air. You know your face is read, you’re still shaking a little and can feel some tears pricking at your eyes. There’s a shift in the energy between you and while you aren’t sure what it is, you don’t feel afraid of it.

Mallek’s expression is unreadable, but you get the impression he understands that this is meaningful to you. His cheeks are a little blue, but he doesn’t seem as effected as you are. You know he might have struggled with the vow, the words being more sentimental than he was generally comfortable with. You both know he’s a closet romantic but getting him to say something so intimate is usually a touch and go affair.

Mallek shifts a bit and gives you an expectant look.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry! One more thing!” You announce before he can ask what comes next or if you’re done now.

“Another thing?”

“Yes! This one’s easy though!” You feel your nerves calming down as you smile softly at him. “You may now!” You pause for dramatic emphasis, “Kiss your alien.” You state with a flourish of one hand. 

You lean in to kiss him, but he’s quick to slip and arm behind your back, turn you slightly, and drop you into a dip. You take a moment to catch your breath and feel your face heat up as Mallek grins down at you. Without a word he presses his mouth to yours. It’s a softer kiss than you’re used to. His lips giving only enough pressure to allow you to know he’s there. Nothing in it is demanding or fast and as you kiss back it feels as though you’re both suspended in this moment. Your hands cup his cheeks as your thumbs softly brush along his skin.

You take in a deep breath, inhaling him in as you do. You can feel his arms wrapped protectively around you. He is your everything and the only person who matters in this second. And you feel yourself at peace for, you think, the first time in your whole life.

When he pulls away you can’t help but laugh – warm and full of glee – you hold his face, yours is red and your smile is almost hurting your cheeks, it’s so wide. Your noses are still touching and you both stand like that for a minute taking each other in.

“We = good now then; finally; on the same page;” Mallek mutters, his face still close, eyes lidded as they lock on to yours.

You chuckle and ask, “What?”

“All of this; we = human married now; yeah?”

You snort and shake your head. “What? No! This doesn’t count!” Your face bursts into heat as you take in just what he’s saying to you. 

“Why !=?”

“Well because I’m not authorized to marry anyone!”

“What makes someone authorized?”

“Wh-well…uh…I mean…” You’re at a loss for words, thrown completely off guard. 

“So; you count then; we = human married;”

You purse your lips uncertain how to argue. You don’t think you want to.

“I think you misunderstood what being a matesprit is;” Mallek starts, his face taking on a more serious expression as he straightens you both back out. There’s a moment of fear when he says this. “We do that _talking_ and dating thing; you try different people in different types of quadrants; you don’t ask someone to be in a quadrant unless you’re sure you are able to face the drones with them; it’s a life or death commitment; us being quadranted and me marrying you has us on the same page;”

Your face is bright red, you didn’t realize you’d accidently alien married him already. You couldn’t believe he wanted you to and had asked after only knowing you for half a sweep.

You don’t want to overthink this so you act on your instincts; which means you kiss him again. You press yourself flush against him and his arms tighten around you. This kiss is deeper than the last, your hands hold the back of his head to deepen it. Mallek hums low in his throat, his hands running up and down your back.

When you finally pull away you can feel yourself getting warm. “Are you ready for the fun part?” you ask quietly, your voice thick with need.

“I = all about the fun part;” Mallek responds, his tone matching yours as his fingers slip under your shirt and knead at your flesh.

You pull away and take his hand leading him with you towards the Ablution trap. “The honey moon comes next.” You start. “It’s a week vacation where the married couple gets to be together, just the two of them, doing _whatever_ they want.” You tilt your head and smirk at your own implication.

A deep sound starts up in Mallek’s throat and he grins at you. “That = sound like the fun part;” He purrs, pressing you into the bathroom and shutting the door behind you both.

\--

You’re in your makeshift hive, tiding up when you hear the familiar ‘thunk’ of a package being left on your ‘balcony.’ At the same time a ping on your palm husk alerts you to a text. You glance down and the message from Mallek confirms he’s sent you something.

You carefully make your way to the balcony. The box is small and you have to maneuver yourself to reach it safely. 

It’s light, and you can’t help but shake it a little. You don’t hear much of anything and assume it’s safe, so you open it to reveal…another box. You roll your eyes before opening the second box. When you see what’s inside your hand instinctively goes to your mouth and your eyes widen.

In the box is a simple silver band with Mallek’s sign engraved in cerulean. You’re breathless and feel your heart pounding out of your chest. Your hands are shaking a little as you take it out and slide it on your finger. It fits perfectly. 

Tears come to your eyes despite yourself. Your phone buzzes again and you see Mallek has sent a shitty selfie of himself where his face is blurry, but clearly looking away, doing a peace sign. He’s using his left hand for the gesture and on his ring finger is a matching silver band. You zoom in on the band and are just able to make out your initials – in English letters – engraved there.

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed to post something and this was written but I can't say it's something I'm proud of or even like anymore. Sorry, ya'll


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